Showtime
by TheCrazyAuthors
Summary: It was a well known fact that Sen and Ryo had absolutely NO morale-boosting skills whatsoever.
1. AHAHAHAHAHA no

_Started this way too late for my liking. Seriously. Ah, well, what can I do about it? It's not like I can tell my muse to let me do what I want._

_Stupid muse. Ruinin' mah life._

_Anyway._

_Yes, Tsuki has a partner in crime in her stalkings of the events in this oneshot series. It's actually pretty obvious who it is. And also yes, this particular part of Council of Fail (as I like to call it, semi-affectionately) is about four or five chapters. It's not just a oneshot. Sorry this chapter's so short, though, I wrote like half of it the day before yesterday and half of it today._

_I promise it gets better._

_... no, my fingers aren't crossed behind my back, why do you ask?_

(Line Break says they are, actually. Anyway, Senom299 doesn't own Okami, Okamiden, or their corresponding villains. As per usual.)

"I _said_ get out of my room!"

Out in the hallway, Sen glanced up at the wall, trembling from what sounded like Ninetails on her time of month. He shrugged, looking back down at his 10-yen coin.

"All I have left... because of _her_..."

That was about the moment that Blight got thrown through the wall.

"And STAY out," Ninetails snapped, guarding the new hole. Bullhead instinctively rolled back around the corner, deciding to stay out of it.

"A hole in your bedchamber wall is hardly the most dignified way of keeping someone out," Blight noted dully. "Or practical, for that matter."

"_Go. Away_."

"Fine, for the love of darkness." The parasite disappeared. Ninetails, huffing in irritation, backed away and got to work trying to fix the wall.

Bullhead rolled back into view. "Sen, she wants her money."

"She can't have it!" The actor demon clutched the coin. "She can't take away my precious, not anymore!" ((_A/N: Yes, __**Fudgefeather**__, this is why I was thinking Sen when you mentioned needing someone for Gollum. Just sayin'_.)) He then proceeded to dash down the corridor. Blight reappeared, now out of Ninetails's sight.

"Wait for it..."

"She's going to kill you one of these days, you know." Bullhead pointed out as they listened to Sen screaming like a little girl and the sound of a knife hitting metal.

"I know. It's all right, though, fox wench knows she can't live without me."

A frustrated shriek from inside her room either confirmed or denied that statement.

"See?"

"_BLIGHT YOU NO GOOD SON OF A_-"

"I don't have parents."

"_SCREW YOU ANYWAY!_"

"No thank you."

"I'll just leave now." Bullhead decided slowly, rolling away.

In the air ventilation system...

"Tsuki, stop hitting me with the camera!"

"I'm SORRY!"

"No, you're NOT, you're hitting me on purpose."

"Not all on purpose!"

"Can I _please_ leave now?"

"No no no no no, I need you!"

"You mean, you need me as a meat shield if we get caught up here."

"_Exactly!_"

"... I hope you die a slow and painful death when that day comes."

"You've been saying that for a year and a half, just about. I'm still here."

"See the look on my face? Does it look like I care?"

"Well, no, it's too dar-"

"_Get back here so I can strangle you!"_

The screen went to static for a few minutes, then opened back up in the kitchen.

"Come on, you two, we go through this every other week," King Fury pleaded. "Stop it. No, I don't want any..." He hesitated, staring at the cup of oil in front of him. "... tea."

"But no one else ever comes to our tea parties!" Nechku complained.

"I can see why."

The two mechanical owls gave him a look that could kill.

"_Nothing, I never said anything."_

Ryo burst into the room right about then. "KINGY."

"What."

"KINGY KINGY KINGY."

"What? I'm not deaf." King Fury paused. "And is it going to take a rule list to get everyone to stop calling me that? I have a _full and proper title_, you know."

Lechku sniggered. However that's possible. "Kingy."

"..."

"I've got an IDEA!" Ryo announced, ignoring the last few paragraphs completely.

"Oh, sweet merciful darkness."

"Sen and I want to put on a play!"

The kitchen went silent.

"... uhhh... guys?"

That was just about when the laughing started. And start it did.

Back in the hallway, Blight felt something off in the air. Someone who wasn't supposed to be in the fortress slash mental asylum slash prison. Not that dratted human girl with the camera or her 'friend', either.

"Right. Mess hall." He muttered, heading in that general direction.

Five seconds later...

"DARKNESS DAMN IT ALL, OROCHI WHAT ARE YOU DOING BACK."

(Line Break says oh look. Cliffhanger.)

_Hehe. Cliffhangers are fun. *shot to death*_

_All right, all right. Next chapter'll probably be up this weekend. I've still got the ALBN series to keep up with over on dA, so I don't know for absolute certain. Again, sorry for crappy short chapter, but they hopefully will get better and longer._

_No one really likes Orochi. Apparently. Or at least Blight doesn't seem to._

_Next chapter of Showtime (oh come on, I really have to do these?): The actor demons are true to their word and get to work setting up. Meanwhile, tension bubbles between pretty much everyone. Like usual._

_SINCE THIS IS WITH CHAPTERS SOMEONE ELSE IS MAKING THE REVIEW REQUEST. UMMM NINETAILS YOU DO IT 8D_

_Ninetails: ... no. *steps behind Blight*_

_Blight: You honestly expect me to-oh, FINE. Review. Please. There, are you happy now?_

_Ninetails: *is visibly amused*_

_Also, 'dratted human girl with the camera'? *note ends with sound of Senom apparently lecturing in the background*_


	2. Introducing Steve and Hal

_All right, here's the new chapter. Whoopee._

_Excuse me a moment before I thank the reviewers. *disappears from room, can be heard squeeing at the top of her lungs outside. The words "OH MAH GOD REVIEWS" can distinctly be heard*_

Lilac: ... y'know what, she's not coming back any time soon. *locks door* Count on it. I'll just throw her sketchbook out there, we'll be idiot-free for a chapter. ... oh, wait, this is Council of Fail, I meant author-idiot-free for a chapter. Anyway, thanks to **TheManWithBacon** (Senom's still squeeing, by the way. She can go on for a pretty long time) and **Okami Mononoke-hime (**Or should I say **Spirits and Shadows, **now?) for the reviews. ... oh, what the hell do I care, I'm not even technically a functioning part of anything over here anymore. Line Break, hit it. Let's get this abomination of nature of a chapter started.

(Line Break says yeah, sure, whatever, Arashi-hime. ("HEY.") Senom299 doesn't own Okami, Okamiden, their corresponding villains, Chuck Norris, Girl Scout Cookies, or bucket-worthy friendship and rainbows (translation: villains bashing each other with cookie boxes) this franchise of cookies produces. She also doesn't own Play-Doh: Fun to play with, not to eat. Especially in pink. It's not strawberry flavored, dammit, stop trying to eat the wall!)

"I regret nothing." Tsuki announced.

She was then promptly hit over the head by Stormy. "Hey, you're not supposed to make your official entrance until the Sleepover finale!" She complained. "Go away. Me and my _partner_ have it all covered, thanks."

"Screw off, Tsuki!" A voice called from behind the computer desk. The owner was presumably setting the cameras back up from August.

"I can hear you from the Legend of Line Break set." Stormy rolled her eyes. "I thought you abandoned the 'base room'."

"Nah, I like my base room." Tsuki grinned. "Wanna help out?"

"... _no._"

"Why do you all hate me."

(Line Break says meanwhile, in the actual story...)

"Seriously, I don't get it. What's so funny." Ryo deadpanned. King Fury paused as Lechku and Nechku suddenly collapsed onto the floor and he got up.

"Nothing, Ryo. Nothing at all."

"... kay, Kingy!"

Everyone heard the scream that time.

*** _((If FFN doesn't take that as a scene transition, I don't know WHAT'LL pass.))_

"You know, I love how you rebuilt your wall with children's clay. The pink really blends in with the walls."

"Shut up."

"I'm serious. Squishy pink walls must be the new trend for IQ-challenged demon overlords."

"Blight, go AWAY."

The parasite pulled apart the Play-Doh holding together the wall (fun to play with, not to eat) and raised an eyebrow at Ninetails.

"If it weren't an emergency I wouldn't have come to you." Blight sighed, giving her a dull look. "Remember last month when Fury announced that we'd be 'dispatching' Orochi from the fort by force?"

"And we almost got rid of Bullhead, too. We almost got him to suffocate. Almost." Ninetails sighed wistfully. "What about it?"

"... yeah, he's back."

Ninetails stared for a second. "PLEASE tell me this is some elaborate prank."

"No, actually, he's right there in the mess hall. I got Crimson Helm and the Witch Queen to see what they could do, but they're probably already doomed."

"And you need me why...?"

"Because we need to get him out of here as soon as possible." Blight lowered his voice. "He already has his Imps setting up STATIONS. You don't understand, Ninetails, he's bringing back his accursed Orochi Scout Cookies franchise."

"All right, all right. I get it." Ninetails rolled her eyes and padded out after him. "Just to set the record straight, this isn't to help you. It's to try on a last act of desperation to get you out of my face."

"I'll stay out of your way after this if you stay out my mine." The parasite offered.

"... we've got a deal."

And with that, the pair raced down the hallway.

***

"Sen. Sen, you can come out of the bathroom now." Bullhead sighed, rolling back and forth in front of the bathroom door.

"No." Came the muffled reply.

"You've been in there for twenty minutes."

"I don't care."

The catfish paused for a minute and raised his voice. "If you don't haul ass out of there right now I'll tell Witchy what you've been doing with your 'precious'."

The door flew open. "You wouldn't _dare_," the actor demon hissed.

"Oh, I'd dare."

"... fine!" Sen groaned, hiding his coin.

"Come on, we've gotta go see what Fury's up to. I think I hear him sending out SOS signals." Bullhead turned and rolled off, Sen not far behind.

"Witchy will never take you away from me..." He mumbled, stroking the coin and then picking up the pace.

***

"Enlighten me on how you think this is a good idea." King Fury turned to Ryo, who had been literally stalking him for fifteen minutes all the way to the mess hall door. "Because I really can't see the plus side to this."

"He's in on this with the owls." Bullhead muttered from around the corner.

"Go away."

"Never."

"Go away or I'll tell Blight to plant a virus in your hamster ball."

That got rid of the catfish.

"It'll boost morale! And you know how everyone's all 'hate-hate-screw-you-die-die' around here, we need it." Ryo nodded assuredly, ignoring the other conversation completely.

"I fail to see how that works. And how you know the word 'morale' to begin with."

"Yeah, well, it'll work. Just you wait and see."

"Don't you need approval for that? From the one _in charge_?" King Fury asked. "As in, _me_?"

"... please?"

"All right, fine. Just to see you two get ripped limb from limb by everyone else after the sh-" He paused. "Wait, this isn't just some trick for you two to steal everyone's souls, is it?"

"Of course not!" Ryo laughed. "That'd be stupider than Ninetails and Blight being a pairing. None of us _have_ souls!"

The other demon paused. "... of course. Look, I'll let you do it if you'll leave me alone."

"Got it, Kingy! We won't let you down!" Ryo saluted. "Oh, and by the way, I'm serious, we won't let you down like last time."

"Wait, what happened last time, again?"

"That was the time that we couldn't remember your name."

"... you mean the time I had to literally _pop up in front of you_ and you still got it wrong."

"But your name IS Kingy!"

That was about the point where Ryo got roundhouse kicked across the hall. How that was possible, the world may never know.

Somewhere, the owl from the Tootsie Roll Pop commercial and Chuck Norris both sneezed at the same time. The owl was instantly roundhouse kicked off its branch. Bullhead held a party which no one attended and was later found sobbing in Ninetails's room.

Too bad she wasn't in there to kick him out. But then again, ANYONE could have gotten into her room with the Play-Doh (still fun to play with and to make walls to keep out your neighbors with, still not to eat.)

Anyway.

Somewhere else in the fortress, Blight had been rather correct in his saying that the Imps had already invaded.

They'd brought their damn cookies, too.

"You sure this is a good idea, Steve?" One asked slowly. "I mean, there really isn't that much of a chance at 'business' around here..."

"We're doing better than those retards who set up in Hana Valley. I bet they're drowning in their own misery right now." The one called Steve pointed out.

In Hana Valley...

"WE'VE BEEN PARTYING FOR TWO MONTHS STRAIGHT NOW!"

"WOO!"

"CRANK UP THE JUSTIN BEIBER CD!"

"DOUBLE WOO ALL THE WAY ACROSS THE SKY!"

"You mean double RAINBOW."

"... JUSTIN BEIBER CD, WOO!"

"And this is why I keep getting called back down here." Amaterasu sighed. "Ah, well, Exorcism Slip spamming time. Abomination of nature pop artists in my country, not on _my_ watch..."

Back in the fortress...

"Yeah. In their own misery." Steve nodded assuredly.

"... Really, the boss is going to kill us if we don't get better cookie sales than we did back in the Demon Market last month." The other one tried desperately. "Are you sure we shouldn't just pack up and try Sei-An?"

"We tried that last week, Hal."

"But-"

"Hal. Who's in charge."

"... you, Steve."

"And do you question the Imp in charge?"

"No, Steve."

"Good demon, our Hal." Steve applauded.

"... yes, Steve."

"Shut up, I didn't say you could talk."

Hal was then forced to spend an hour in time-out, buried under boxes of Poison Chip Cookies.

Steve was pleased with his superior handiwork.

And now, to the dramatic scene you've been waiting for all chapter.

"ALL RIGHT, OROCHI!" Blight yelled, kicking the door open. (Chuck Norris sneezed once again and then kicked the owl again for good measure.) "IT'S TIME YOU AND ME HAD A LITTLE TALK ABOUT YOU AND YOUR F***ING COOKIES!"

Lechku looked up, spearing the parasite with a death glare. "Get out of our kitchen."

"Nice going." Ninetails drawled. Blight laughed nervously and backed away.

"Err, sorry about that, wrong room..."

Fifteen minutes later...

"All right, let's try this again." Blight rubbed his 'hands' together and Ninetails rolled her eyes.

"Yes, let's see you open the wrong door. _Again._"

"... shut up. I know what I'm doing." And with that, the mess hall door was kicked open.

"ALL RIGHT, OROCHI, IT'S TIME YOU AND ME HAD A LITTLE TALK ABOUT YOU AND YOUR F***ING COOKIES!"

"Oh, it's about time, you came in, I didn't know how long I could keep eating these Poison Chips by myself." King Fury noted. Ninetails snickered.

"... oh, curse you all in the name of darkness." Blight muttered.

"Like my new base, Blight?" Orochi boomed. The parasite scowled as he continued. "The franchise has been going nicely and I figured I'd bring it back _home_."

"Fury, you can't be supporting this." Blight managed to get out through gritted teeth. "_Get him and his damn cookies out of here._ He'll run us all broke and dead faster than Witchy ever could!"

"I take offense to that." The Witch Queen announced.

"Shut it, Witchy."

"Say that to my face."

"Sure I will. While you're puking up those cookies later."

Ninetails padded up to Orochi and stared the demon in the face. "So about these cookies of yours..."

"Yes?"

"They suck."

The mess hall went silent just as Sen and Ryo burst in, both holding a miniature Kabuki doll.

"DOUBLE TEAM ATTACK!"

"... oh for the love of darkness, this getting out of control and that damn snake STILL isn't out of here?" Blight snapped as the curtains were pulled back down on the chapter.

(Line Break says-)

_... IT ADDS CHAPTERS. NO ONE'S COMPLAINING. *laughs Satoko style*_

_Introducing the pathetic underlings, Play-Doh, and Chuck Norris versus the Tootsie Roll Pop commercial owl._

Will Steve and Hal overcome their rivals in Hana Valley? Will they ever turn off the damn Justin Beiber CDs (which are giving the author a headache, by the way)? Will Blight's reason for despising the Orochi Scout Cookies franchise be revealed in the next chapter? Will Tsuki stop being a retard? Will Senom stop sucking so badly at writing Orochi? Will Senom also stop asking stupid questions?

_Well, obviously not. Doing stupid things is my job. I am the author of this shindig, after all._

_I like Steve and Hal. More shenanigans for me to write._

_Anyway, next chapter of Showtime: Steve and Hal set out to try and get some cookies sold while Blight, Ninetails, and Orochi face off. Or they would, if Sen and Ryo wouldn't quit getting in the way. King Fury disagrees with this logic._

_Review request time! Hal, because I like you, you can do it._

Hal: Yaaaay!

Steve: ... NO.

Steve. Stfu and let Hal do the review request. I like him.

Blight: *sits in corner eating popcorn, very amused by this spectacle*

Hal: Please review! Here, you can have this plushie of Witchy if you do!

Witch Queen: ... when did I agree to this and why don't I own all of your valuables and soul yet?

Ryo: Silly Witchy, we don't have souls! We're demons, remember?

King Fury: ... yeah sure.

Tsuki: *flicks light switch* DRAMATIC AUTHOR'S NOTE END FOR THE WINNNNNNNN!


	3. Interludes Are Fun

_Alllllllllrighty everyone, welcome back to SHOWTIME!_

(*line from My Sweetheart plays: "It's SHOWTIME, doki doki sasete ne! Itsudemo TOKIMEKI tai no-"*)

_Lilac: *blows smoke off pistol* All right, who let the author within ten feet of the Tokyo Mew Mew opening?_

*crickets chirping*

Lilac: And WHAT happened the last time anyone let her within ten feet of said opening?

_*more crickets*_

Lilac: Exactly. ... just open up the damn chapter. -.- By the way, thanks to **Fudgefeather, Spirits and Shadows, **and** TheManWithBacon **and Alex for the reviews. ... Senom's STILL squeeing. WITH A BULLET IN HER FOREHEAD.

_Anything's possible when you overcome your fear of writing shit like this! 8D_

Lilac: ... Line Break. Please open the chapter while I stuff this idiot in a closet and pray that she suffocates within twenty four hours.

(Line Break says uh, okay, got it... Senom299 doesn't own Okami, Okamiden, or their corresponding villains...)

"All right, we can reach a compromise here." King Fury announced. "Orochi's staying in the basement."

Ninetails's eyes narrowed. "You mean where that bloated half-shit Anura is?"

"That would be the only basement we have." Blight drawled.

"Shut it, you."

"Of course, Miss Ranidaphobia."

"I WILL kill you."

"Yes. That basement." King Fury coughed. "One, because we can't have that much space taken up in the mess hall to begin with, and two, Sen and Ryo are setting up their stage in there."

"Five hundred yen says they're going to put on a puppet show." Bullhead called, rolling into the room.

"I'll take you on for that one." Hal commented. (He had apparently ditched Steve temporarily.)

"SOLD!"

"So who's moving the abomination of nature?" Blight asked. Ninetails shuddered violently.

"I'm not getting anywhere near Frog's Legs down there."

"... Make fox wench go."

"No." King Fury sighed. "We've been over this, Blight. She was mentally scarred the last time."

"But that's the POINT!"

The parasite was speared with a look that could kill.

"... fine." He groaned. "Then who do you propose should do the job?"

There was a brief silence.

Five minutes later, Bullhead was cursing absolutely everyone he knew for doing this to his beloved Crimsy.

"They can't do this." He complained for the sixth time. "Crimsy, if he crushes you, don't go to the light. Stay with me, okay?"

There was no response from Crimson Helm, who simply trooped on.

"Are you saying I'm fat?" Orochi snapped.

"Put down those cookies for a second, I can't tell." The catfish challenged.

"This was a better idea than I thought." Blight decided from down the hallway. "We get two idiots out of the way in one shot. No one with mental capacity roughly the size of a walnut, whatever the hell a walnut is supposed to be, will have to talk to Anura."

Ninetails coughed beside him.

"And I get to make you watch the whole spectacle."

"I need to get my wall substantially fixed." She muttered.

"Yes. Yes, you do."

In the mess hall, stuff was happening.

Just.

I don't know what I'm supposed to say anymore.

"Okay, so after I yell 'showtime', you say..."

"... what's my line?" Ryo blinked, earning a slap in the face. "I told you to quit doing that, you're getting feathers up my nose!"

"I'll quit doing that when you stop screwing up the lines! Do you want to put on this play and carry out the plan or not?"

The two actor demons stared at each other and a sissy slap fight began.

Hal and Steve were fortunate enough to get front row seats.

Suddenly, the camera turned to static, as if broken.

In the magical place we like to call the realm of authors, the Shadow of Fantasies let out a resounding "fffffffffffffffffffff*******" and banged her head against the desk.

The cell lying on the corner of the desk started ringing with Pyrocumulus. Swearing, the author fumbled with it and hit the 'accept call' button.

"**What.**"

"Hey, boss!" Tsuki greeted. She seemed cheerful, as if the story hadn't just hit a giant standstill. "Just checking i-"

"Tsuki."

"Y-yeah?" Her voice grew uncertain as Senom got up and started pacing across the office floor. She cracked the ALBN set door open before slamming it again.

"Tell me something."

"Okay...?"

"Check the cameras. Is time frozen down there." The Shadow of Fantasies inquired, voice dry and irritated. There were a few clicks and a brief stream of swear words.

"... uh, yeah. Did a block come alo-"

"_Yes!_" Senom snapped. "A big fat freaking _writer's block_, bane of my existence aside from sparkles, demonic representation of author's hell, came in and _crashed my party!_ Tsuki, what the hell are you two doing down there?"

"We're doing our job!" Tsuki tried desperately. "We're covering everything, I thought we were doing fi-"

"_Well obviously you're NOT doing fine if THIS is happening_!" The author yelled at the top of her lungs. There was a small commotion over the line and the voice changed.

"Senom. Senom, calm your ass down for five seconds."

"Don't tell me what to do, Lilac."

"I'm serious, calm your ass down. We can fix this."

Back in the base room, Tsuki was curled up in the corner whimpering while the seemingly-older OC just stared at the wall, unimpressed with Senom's theatrics. "I'm telling you, we can fix this. Just leave it to us."

"Why should I trust you? Last time you said that I ended up locked in a suitcase being chucked into the nearest river!"

Li facepalmed. "I haven't talked to Celia in two days and we haven't had _any _chance to plot your death lately. I think you're safe right now."

"I call bullshit."

"And I don't care." The main protagonist of the ALBN series let out a long breath and leaned against the wall. "Like I said, we can fix this. I know you want to get this over with. It's like ALBN. Only on the other side of the character spectrum. Whatever the hell that was supposed to mean. Anyway, if we help you finish this one up, you'll go back to Closer."

There was a brief silence and a click.

"She hung up, didn't she?" Tsuki asked slowly. Lilac nodded, groaning and tossing the incarnation back her phone.

"Screw it, let's just take command and call this a filler chapter." She muttered. "And while we're about breaking the fourth wall..."

The light suddenly went out.

"... POWER OUTAGE? REALLY?"

Back downstairs, Ninetails chuckled. "You were right."

"They'll leave when they get bored." Blight decided. "They always do."

Back upstairs:

"THE CAMERAS ARE WORKING AGAIN! _YES_!"

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0 (Look, it's a new scene transition~! 8D)

_I love how almost half this chapter consisted of pointing out "HAHA, SUCKERS, SENOM'S GOT WRITER'S BLOCK."_

... I really do.

This SUCKS. *bangs head against desk*

Next chapter'll probably include a timeskip and the show beginning. Either next chapter or the one after that's gonna end off this 'plot arc' of Council of Fail.

Halle-freakin'-lujah.

Quick note: Tsuki is NOT the author, exactly. Tsuki and Stormy are technically incarnations that WORK for her/me.

_Hehehe._

I like being the abusive employe-*shot to death*

Lilac: Hey, Alex, I know you don't have any clue who I am, but let's just say I'm a friend of Celia's and **give Senom one of those Poison Chip cookies and I'll pay you back in the next author's note. **OC's word of honor.

Since when has that been relia- *shot again*

Tsuki: Review! For the boss! *throws confetti everywhere* 8D


	4. End It Off with a pathetic Bang

_All right, everyone! Li and I had a 'talk' after the end of the last chapter, and we agreed tha-_

_*doorbell rings*_

... I swear the package wasn't supposed to come for another two days... *checks* OH MY GOD, SOMEONE VALUES MY EXISTENCE!

... chocolate chip cookie... it's beautiful...

_WHO'S A PSYCHOPATHIC AUTHOR TO SAY NO TO FREE COOKIE AND MILK 8D *omnomnom*_

Lilac: Three... two...

... oh god where's the bathroom *runs off*

Lilac: Revenge. Sweet, sweet revenge. *tosses Alex a wallet that's actually only half full of money and half full of rocks* Enjoy your payment. And while I'm at it, thanks to **TheManWithBacon** (and Alex, too) for the review. 

_Line Break, open up the last chapter for us, will you?_

(Line Break says you've got it. Senom299 doesn't own Okami, Okamiden, or their corresponding villai- Senom? Senom are you okay o_o)

"Uhhh... boss? Are you okay?"

There was a gurgling sound over the line and Tsuki hung up, expression betraying something along the lines of 'oh god what' going through her brain. "... Lilac, what did you do?"

"Used my connections." The OC answered, busy trying to tape the fourth wall back together. "Come on, help me out here, _Seeker of Certainty._"

"Fine, fine. It's just gonna break again." Tsuki shrugged, grabbing some conveniently placed superglue.

"... what the hell are you doing."

"Fixing the fourth wall!" The girl smirked and started splaying the glue all over the wall, standing back as it started to piece itself back together. "See why we should start doing things my way instead of your way?"

"..."

There was a brief pause. "Okay, fine, that was a sort of good idea." The main protagonist of ALBN admitted, just as Tsuki grinned deviously and turned toward the camera focusing on the base room itself.

"_Hiiiii, readers!_"

As if appalled, the fourth wall shattered again. Li stared, eye twitching visibly, while Tsuki dusted her hands off on her jacket.

"The thing's hopeless anyway. We've broken it so many times we should just go ahead and call it nonexistent," she announced. "Anyway, let's start the show."

"Writer's block." Li reminded after trying to regain her composure. After all, it only got to a certain level of depressing after the fourth wall had been obliterated a million times in the OTHER stories.

"Actually, I think you can take care of that."

"WHAT?"

Tsuki grinned. "You've got Dreamcatcher, remember? I think a meteor can knock out a little block."

Lilac groaned, pulling out her racket. "If this doesn't work, it's all your fault. Got it?"

"Eeyup!" The Seeker of Certainty giggled while Li raised the racket.

"_METEOR_!"

0-0-0-0-0-0

"Did anyone else hear that explosion?" Bullhead asked uncertainly.

"No."

"Not really."

"Marking that one down as a negatory."

"... you guys creep me out."

"We're villains, that's the overall point."

"Nyeh!"

"Someone lock the door!" Blight snapped, slamming the basement door shut. "LOCK THE BLOODY DOOR OR SO HELP ME-"

"We get the point." Ninetails yawned, locking it. "Satisfied, contagion?"

"We're safe." The parasite sighed, ignoring her. "Thank sweet merciful darkness, we're _safe _from that chain of evil. Those cookies are the bane of my existence."

"Just because you choked on one." Bullhead rolled his eyes as Crimson Helm magically reappeared, because he can apparently do that. "Come on, let's get back upstairs. I think Fury's sending out mental SOS signals."

"How can _you _tell?" Ninetails asked as the small party went back on their way.

"I just can. Also he knows how to make me stop conspiring against the owls."

"Since when has that worked?"

"It hasn't!"

Blight resisted the urge to pop the catfish's hamster ball.

It was _ever_ so difficult to repress that urge.

0-0-0-0-0-0

"All right," King Fury started uncertainly, "I know it's next to impossible to get you two to do anything useful around here. So I'll make a bargain with you."

"Are you sure you don't want a biscuit?" Nechku pressed.

"I don't want your damn biscuits. And I don't want your oil, either. Anyway, just clean up all the cookies lying around this place before I get an addiction again. I'll tell Bullhead he can attend one of your... tea parties."

The owls exchanged a glance. An unnerving glance to anyone else.

"You drive a hard bargain." Lechku began.

"... I'll make sure you two are exempt from the 'show' tonight."

"SOLD!"

Five minutes later, Bullhead rolled down the hallway. "What was that about."

"Nothing."

"Did you just sell off my nonexistent soul?"

"Of course not. I don't know what you're talking about."

A bell rang in the mess hall and Fury clapped. "Well, time for our eyes to bleed out."

"Goody." Ninetails sighed.

Another ten minutes later, everyone with some degree of small sanity was assembled in the mess hall. The lights dimmed out, and-

"Goddammit Ryo I said _what is your line!_"

"I don't remembe-"

There was a resounding slap. Blight could be heard chuckling from his spot, only to be hit by Ninetails.

"Shut it, parasite."

"Shut it yourself, foxface."

"..."

"Is anyone else getting the feeling that they have no clue what they're doing?" Bullhead muttered.

"Just watch. With our luck they'll do a finger puppet show." Blight muttered.

"... Sen doesn't even have fingers and I don't know if Ryo could handle that."

"Exactly why it'll fail. Spectacularly."

"Will you shut up?" Ninetails snapped.

The room went silent again.

"... are they seriously standing on the rafters?" King Fury asked after a moment.

"_Welcome, one and all, to the ultimate show!_"

"Better question. Are they seriously going to make this as corny as that single line makes it sound."

"Blight, I said _shut up!_"

"_Brace yourselves for the spectacular, the undying, the new and improved..._"

"New since when, the last time they tried something this retarded?"

If anyone was paying attention, they might have noticed Blight being hurled across the room and smashed into the wall.

"_SHOWTIME!_"

And the lights flickered on.

0-0-0-0-0-0

"Oh, no you don't." Tsuki announced, hitting the control panel and twisting some dials.

"Do you even know what you're doing?" Li asked, busying herself with burning some shoujo manga to mix the ashes with the dead writer's block while she still had Dreamcatcher out.

"Sorta." The Seeker of Certainty admitted. "It's like songfics, all I've gotta do is press this button and bam, we've got their show ruined by Ye Olde Anime That Ruins Everyone's Childhood."

"You mean repeat the author's note from last chapter?" Lilac asked, raising an eyebrow.

"You know it." Tsuki smirked, her finger hovering over the red button. "And hey... they pretty much asked for it with the fic's title."

"You can blame the retard puking up her vital organs for that." The OC rolled her eyes. "Whatever. A Selkie can't pass up a good pranking anyway. Let's do this."

0-0-0-0-0-0

"_It's SHOWTIME~! Doki doki sasete ne, itsudemo TOKIMEKI tai no~_"

"Oh, god no, not this again." Ninetails groaned.

"I thought we got RID of her..." Blight muttered, struggling to get himself back up.

0-0-0-0-0-0

"Mew mew fanfics, mew mew screams, mew mew Tsuki's on the team!" Tsuki yelled, a deranged glint in her eyes.

"Why me." Lilac muttered, banging her head against the wall.

0-0-0-0-0-0

"... _ignore the OC._" Sen called.

"Where'd he get that megaphone?" Bullhead asked.

He was the next one thrown at the wall.

And My Sweetheart was STILL playing in the background, which just made the spectacle all the more disturbing.

"_Anyway... SHOWTIME!_"

The lights completely went out and the music was cut off instantly, with a yell of "Sorry about that!" from upstairs. A dark mist started to flood the room, laid thick with the stench of evil. It wrapped around the other villains, eager to fulfill its task, and-

"You have _got _to be kidding me." Ninetails announced, unimpressed as she waved the coils of mauve smoke away with one of her tails. "Blight can be more intimidating than that. Speaking of, don't you even DARE try to fight it off with your mist."

"HELP ME I CAN'T SEE!" Bullhead interrupted, rolling around in a wild frenzy. King Fury facepalmed as Sen and Ryo dropped to the ground.

"Did you two really think that would work?" He asked dryly.

"Maybe."

"Probably."

"There's a distinct that we-"

"-really thought it would-"

"-but only kind of-"

"Shut up."

"Sir, yes sir." The actor demons chorused.

"All right, someone get this useless mist out of here." Fury announced. "And someone please explain to Sen and Ryo just how retarded they are."

"That defeats the point." Blight pointed out.

"Who said you could keep talking."

"I did."

Somewhere in the background, Steve and Hal could be heard screaming.

"I... didn't know that Imps had souls." Bullhead stared.

"Who knew." Ninetails agreed, before pausing. "Wait, if that mist steals people's souls... shouldn't the idiots upstairs have been affected by it?"

"Silly villain!" The air shaft grate was kicked down and Tsuki fell to the floor. Lilac could be heard swearing profusely. "The Seeker of Certainty doesn't have a soul! ... I sold it off to Orochi Scout Cookies."

"DAMMIT!" Blight yelled at the top of his lungs. The OC giggled nervously as the curtains were drawn on the first plot arc of Council of Fail and then bowed.

"All's well that ends well, enter cheesy moral here, whatever else you want me to say... I think we should end this shit off here. The en-"

She paused. "What's that? Plot arc number two? Oh, yeah, there is that, isn't there? Meh. it'll come when it comes."

Tsuki snapped her fingers. "So, without further delay... author's note, here's your cue!"

(Line Break says that... was a PATHETIC finale.)

_... oh shut up... *trying to clean up the mess in the bathroom*_

_That concludes plot arc number one of Council of Fail, as well as this story, everyone._

Next is Ranidaphobia. Although that may take awhile, because I have a good amount of other work to do this summer and very little time to do it in. One of the most notable projects right now is Tales of the Grimoire, a NieR self insert. Even if you don't know anything about NieR, I advise you check it out.  


_Cause I'm planning on selling my soul off to this one._

Just like ALBN.

AREN'T MY PRIORITIES AWESOME GAIZ 8D

_Lilac: *trips Senom* All right, everyo-_

_Tsuki: Please review, everyone! 8D_

Lilac: ... why do I even bother anymore.


End file.
